Something Salinas This Way Comes...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Random Statements and Crudeness

*"Sautee" is just fancy for "fried in butter".  Get with it, menu makers of America.

*Since discovering the sinus-clearing miracle of tea tree oil, I've been inspired to initiate the process of switching all our toiletry items to natural/vegan products.  I really like my new organic rosemary shampoo.  Thanks to the afore-mentioned tea tree oil, I am keenly aware that my hair smells like the bottom of a bong, but I don't care because it is shiny, soft, and naturally volumized.

*I'm tired of the bigoted Obama jokes.  I get it.  His politics are unconventional, he's made serious mistakes, and he's a black Muslim Nazi Socialist.  Get over it, please.  Bush was a redneck who referred to the World Wide Web as "the Internets" and sent us to Iraq instead of Afghanistan, thus proving he has absolutely no sense of direction.  If we can tolerate eight years of that, we can face anything.  So there. We're all evened up now.

*Did I really just talk about hippie pot shampoo and then bag on Bush/support Obama in the same blog??  Gasp.

*I did think Bush was kind of handsome, before his eight years in office turned him into an old man.  And to be fair, I think Obama is aging faster than Bush did.  It must be karma--payback for all that evil socialist/muslim/nazi/NAACP agenda-- rearing its head and cursing him in ugly ways. 

*My friend N and my dad had a (very public) Facebook conversation yesterday about the use of FDS (that's Feminie Deoderant Spray, for you sufferers feminine-issues ingorance) to cover the stench of self-tanner.  I still laugh about it when I think of it.  Let me know how that works out for you, N.

*I seriously just advised my daughter, after she explained to me her Big Brother Woe of the Day, to get herself a bag of Sweet Hearts from the top of the fridge, and relax.  I'm really unsure as to the future damage this may cause her.  I envision lots of candy consumption during her heartbroken teen years, though...

*My husband and my best friend are in a debate over the correct title for the famous Sesame Street duo whose relationship status is debatable.  The results are in and the winner is my friend.  The answer is unanimously, "Bert and Ernie", not "Ernie and Bert".  Though their sexual preference is still open to interpretation.

*It occured to me yesterday: my life involves a lot, lot, lot of cleaning up bodily excrement.  We invest in about four different types of anti-bacterial grocery items, I disinfect our bathroom in its entirety at least once daily, and my hands are constantly chapped from washing them in some variation of abrasive yet anti-bacterial solution.  I can promise you, when I look back on these days, this is one series of memories I will not hold in high regard.

*The conclusion to this entire list of randoms is: In order to escape a long day of rank disasters, I should fry sautee something in butter and after that, enjoy a bag of Sweet Hearts.  I should always choose Sesame Street over Fox News, and continue to sniff the tea tree oil like it's an illicit drug in order to determine when a stinky disaster is created, and who the offendor is.  And in order to avoid the smell of my own bong-water hair, I should spray it with FDS.  I just hope my husband doesn't confuse my head for my...

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